The Don’s Blog…

Alrighty my tubby friends.  I’m back with part two to my Nerd Fitness article.  You already know that it is possible to eat better when you are sitting on your dead ass in front of your monitor downloading really bad 80’s songs to your iTunes.  Now I’ll give you a few ways to get some exercise without ever leaving your workspace, and give you a few snack choices that might actually make your more productive and eager to work.  Assuming that you are not too far gone.  If so, go see a doctor and pray that you can still fit into your Geo Metro.

As the bossman Alan so graciously commented on the first article, he puts his recumbant bike under his desk and exercises his legs as he works.  Let’s humor him and say that he actually does do this, that’s a great way to get blood pumping through what would normally be worthless limbs that are just hanging from your office chair.  Most compact and stow-away treadmills can be equipped with a cradle to hold a laptop into place.  In the time it takes you to check your email and download bootleg Britney Spears songs you could have walked a mile and burned enough calories to make up for the stale candy bar you found under your couch and ate anyway.

Get on eBay and Craigslist and you will most likely find very cheap equipment that could get you into the best shape of your life.  I personally found Billy’s Bootcamp, which I use 3 times per week.  I play it right on my computer and it only takes one hour per day.  It’s great for cardio and for muscle toning.  The best part is that I got it for just over $20 on eBay.  Sure you could say that Tae Bo is gay.  But one of us is going to be a fat bastard by the time I’m done with it, and it sure isn’t going to be me.  Good grief, anything is better than sitting and doing nothing.

Just about any cardio program can be done right in front of your computer.  If you’re really desperate you can get a copy of some Richard Simmons dance video and “jam to the oldies” if you want.  Free weights are a great way to tone your chest and arms while at the keyboard.  Get a small variety of dumbells, and I don’t mean your relatives, and keep them near the computer so you will see them and remember they are there.  If you don’t use them, you just blew some money and are lazy.  What, you want me to sugar coat it?

I found that I can do crunches until I can’t see straight if I am watching an action or suspenseful movie while doing them.  It’s not easy to keep your eyes on the screen, but if you just move around a little you’ll figure it out.  Keeping your mind focused on your stomach while watching a movie can be a little difficult at first, but keep at it and eventually you’ll notice your stomach burning and not even realize you were doing crunches for half an hour.

Using a program like Calorie King will assist you in keeping track of your eating and exercise habits.  It has a huge database of foods and their nutrition facts, and can tell you how many calories you have used up during the course of a day.  Take all the help you can.  Weight loss is a never-ending road, and on a trip like that you’ll want every ride you can hitch.

Trail mix is a great way to stay on top of things if you’re feeling tired and weak.  The protein packed in dried nuts and fruit packs a punch that can last for hours.  Beef and Turkey Jerky is also a high-protein snack that is powerful.  Just avoid eating too much as the sodium intake is not worth the taste.  Get a blender and mix yourself up some smoothies, or grill some chicken with lemon pepper for dinner and get an extra energy boost that is lean in fat and high in protein.

And last but not least, yet the most expensive, is the all new Wii Fit.  Hey, it’s blog for a game and hardware site right?  I had to throw it in there.  The Wii Fit is a work of art in a world where games have captured the imagination but belittled the body.  Nintendo really outdid themselves with this one, and I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t add this to your workspace gym.

Okay, that’s enough for one day.  Next time I’ll cover meditation and yoga.  No, no I won’t.  I’m just kidding.  I think we all know that right along with Tae Bo enthusiasts, meditators and yoganators are gay….. right tubby?

We all go through those days when getting away from the computer is just out of the question.  There is always some game that has to be finished, a report that is due, or if you are like me you have to finish reviewing some product before the bossman unleashes fiery wrath.  The problem is that when we are just sitting here, like I am now, the only exercise you are getting is in your fingers and possibly your brow.  And we don’t exactly have a gourmet chef bringing us nutritious meals all day long to eat, with shots of wheat grass to chase it down.  No, we eat microwaveable meals and drink soda and energy drinks until before we know it we are so big we can’t even get out the door to reconnect with the outside world.

I’ve been there.  Hell, as of a couple months ago I was on my way there again.  Once you head down that road, whether you make it back or not, you realize that all those hours you spend hammering away at your keyboard just isn’t worth the damage it’s doing to your health.  That’s why I decided to start this article to help nerds like me stay healthy.  It’s bad enough to be found dead on a toilet, but to have a heart attack while looking at porn is a whole other story.  If you were to live, you would never live it down.

First of all.  Those energy drinks have to go.  One every now and then is okay, but in moderation.  The amount of caffeine and sugar in them is unreal, and we tend to get the biggest one they have.  Monster, my favorite brew, came out with the resealable XXL version of their famous drink.  That’s 3X the sugar, caffeine and carbs of the original can.  It says right on the can not to exceed three servings per day, but I never could drink part of it and put it away.  So what do you do?  You drink every bit of it withing a couple of hours and by the time the afternoon roles around you have a sugar crash and feel the need for another.  So you buy another XXL Monster and you have just exceeded the daily recommended consumption by twice the amount.  What good is a short-lived sugar rush if you end up with erratic heart patterns and quite possibly myocardial problems from all the caffeine?  And let’s not forget the diabetes that could come from all that sugar consumption.

Stop by your local healthfood store and pick up a couple of their organic energy drinks.  Or even grab Vitamin Water’s new VitaminEnergy.  They come in lots of flavors and are loaded down with vitamins to keep you going without the obscene amounts of caffeine.  The 5 Hour Energy line is also a great choice for those long days at the monitor.  I personally have pumped so much junk through my system that they don’t work for me any longer than a couple of hours, but during those hours I feel much more awake and relaxed with plenty of productive energy.

Okay, now this the part where I can not stress enough the importance of getting rid of the crap you are consuming.  I have spent countless hours in front of my computer living on nothing but Twinkies and Hotpockets.  I’ll tell you now that you are going to be as big as a freaking house if you eat these.  First of all, the snack cakes.  Tons of sugar and carbs with no nutrition whatsoever.  You are better off never eating another snack cake for the rest of your natural life.  I was at Safeway yesterday picking up some stuff and I saw them on sale, 10 Pack boxes are 2 for $5!!  Do yourself a favor and just stop eating them.  And if Hostess or any other cake maker can prove me wrong here, I accept the challenge with open arms.

Now, the microwaved meals.  Hotpockets, Whitecastle burgers, Hungry Man meals… all of them are high calorie, high carbs, and lots of sodium.  Now, Hotpockets did make an effort at helping with the nation’s weight problem when they introduced Lean Pockets, but only a marginal one.  Even though they are considered “lean” by their producers, they offer almost no nutritional value and only a fraction fewer calories.  And depending on which meal you buy, you can end up with the same calories and carbs that the normal meals have.  I would recommend that if you feel the need to buy a “quick-to-go” meal, you would be better off buying the poultry selections that are made with a whole wheat crust.  But I can tell you that nothing can take the place of making yourself a healthy dinner from scratch.  Hey, at the very least, you know what’s in it.  Can you say that about that Hotpocket you are eating right now?

When shopping for groceries, move away from the frozen section and toward the healthfood section.  They normally have a frozen section of their own that is filled with organic, healthy goodies.  Amy’s is a company that makes nukeable enchiladas and pizzas that are the right serving with good-for-you ingredients.  You don’t have to be a vegetarian to eat better, just be more aware of what you are shoveling in your face while looking on Ebay.

And on that note, I’ll close this little rant with a few parting words.  There are several ways to take care of yourself without changing the whole world around you.  Trade in that white bread with ham and salamie for some turkey on whole wheat.  Drink a bottle of water instead of that Shaq-sized Pepsi.  Get an exercise ball and sit on it while you work, they can have great benifits to your abs, legs, and back.  (I’ll get into the exercise portion with the next article.)  And any opportunity you have to get outside in the sunshine, do it.  Unless you are like me and live in Washington state where we have no freaking sunshine.  In that case, get out in the rain.